Bought a tube at dawn down in aisle five
“Arctic Blast” in a font larger than life
They promise me cool, promise me clean
But it burns like ammonia with a menthol sheen
They call it Glacier Rush, they call it Deep Ice
They sell me pain wrapped up as nice
I just want fresh without chemical lies
But every brand shouts “MINT!” in billboard size
Mint Brands – where your gums go numb by morning
Mint Brands– hospital rinse without warning
It’s a branding scam, a sensory crime
Brushing my teeth like I’m scrubbing out time
In the Mint Brands… oh oh oh oh oh
In the Mint Brands… oh oh oh oh oh
Wintergreen Panic or Polar Scream
Their flavors read like a fever dream
“Peppermint Surge,” “Zen Chill,” “Icy Calm”
My tongue’s ablaze but my breath smells strong
They sell me Clean Slate, they sell me Renew
But it tastes like mopping solution brew
And the label roars in corporate song
Like I once said, “Baby, I’ve been working too long”
MintlBradns– it’s a capitalist cleansing
Mint Brands – with enamel surrendering
They promise cool, but it’s menthol despair
I’d rather chew sage than face what’s in there
In the Mint Brands… oh oh oh oh oh
In the Mint Bh oh randsoh oh
#toothpaste. #Mint
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